Stress in unschooling
what stresses are there in unschooling? I know
for me it’s completely stress free until someone butts there nose in and has
issues with it.
I was wondering from all of you and from Reina, what stresses have you found
in unschooling? Are there really any or is it just our “schooled”
perspective of it?
***
most stresses come from outside sources, folks who
have no clue but think they are entitled to chime in (fortunately,
NOT family, so we can simply brush off the questions and move on).
One stressor for some, possibly, is income. Some are living on one
income; some are juggling shifts/part time jobs; some are working
from home or running their own businesses. All of these can have
their own stresses – not unique to unschooling but definitely
represented in the unschooling population.
Another stressor possibly is dealing, fulltime, with medical and/or
behavioral issues (where having the child in school would provide a
few hours away). In those situations, sometimes creating a way to
get “time off” – respite care, a babysitter, a bubble bath
(depending on the situation) – can help out some in those situations.
***
Interesting thought. *I* still get stressed out because *I’m* still
deschooling and trying to erase those tapes of how children ‘should’
act or behave or whatever. Usually that becomes worse in public
situations because I feel judged based on my kids. That’s totally me
though, and usually I can drowned that little voice before anything
ugly happens.
***
this is my issue also, still deep in deschooling, but enjoying it as long as we
stay away
from objectors(most outside influences, although i have one sibling who doesn’t
really
understand, but will support me unless she thinks i am harming my kids)
***
After living in SE Texas all my life I sometimes have to remind myself that I
live in a tolerant community now. Not too long ago I started becoming concerned
that my son’s hair was too long. It’s ridiculous for me to be concerned about
such a thing living here in Hippie Town, U.S.A. I love the hippies by the way.
I’m so used to being judged that sometimes I think I do it to myself before
anyone else can. Old habbits die hard.
***
Actually, I find it stressful just thinking about unschooling… my son is
only 18 mo old. I know that I personally don’t handle stress well, so I try
to think up all of the scenarios for when he comes of school age and we have
to “come out” and tell everyone we’re homeschooling/unschooling.
I will find a lot of resistance to unschooling since I come from a family
who highly appreciates academic achievement, including me at this point. So
my stress is not only from what I expect to have around me, but also from
me! In earlier posts I had talked about self-doubt, and I don’t think that
this is something that can dissapear overnight! And I suppose I also have to
deschool myself and my dh before we can truly launch into unschooling
wholeheartedly. On the other hand here I am in this forum! – so I’m taking
little steps, and I see the goal but I just need to clear the path.
Income might also become more of an issue. I would love to hear from more
people where both parents work and can still unschool their child. We don’t
have family near us, so our options are limited.
The democratic school option was something I had thought about before
knowing about unschooling. It seemed like a great alternative (if we can
afford it).
So yes, in my case it is the “schooled” perpective of it which stresses me
out.
***
Here’s a tip – something we did even though we didn’t anticipate any
major problems: don’t tell them ‘unschooling’. Start now saying you
plan to homeschool. Period. No big details. General “we’ve got lots
of time…we’re exploring…we’re looking into a lot of options…”
because that’s all *true*. And just keep living your lives and
watching your wonderful DS grow. By the time he’s “school age”, it
will seem pretty normal to just live life (you’ll already have
gotten through the ‘no preschool’ questions by then). After a year
or so of living life together with a ‘school aged’ kid, who I pretty
sure your whole family will love and cherish and think is a great
kid, you can start substituting “unschooling” in discussions
of “homeschooling”. Don’t hit it really hard. More like, answer
questions but don’t offer a lot of additional information (kind of
the same as dealing with any legal requirements, stick to the law
and don’t offer anything more). The proof of the pudding is in the
eating…in this case, they’ll already see your wonderful DS in
action and growing and thriving. Also, be proactive in
providing “what we’re doing” tidbits…we went to the zoo, we built
a spaceship with Legos here are some pix of DS with his creation,
the local hs group had a beach day and here’s DS and some other kids
looking for seashells…yadda yadda. So, on the one hand, provide
lots of “our days” info that shows you’re not hiding in a dark
closet somewhere but on the other hand, don’t be doing a lot of
educational philosophy debates. Odds are they don’t *personally*
know what homeschooling looks like inside (just odd stories here and
there) so whatever you define as ‘homeschooling’ is what you’ve got
to work with. I know it really helped not to get into it much,
except for answering basic questions basically (is it legal? yes)
and answering lots of questions with questions (“kids have to go to
school to learn to read!” “Why? I was reading before I started
school, and so was…and…and…” “Oh yeah I guess you’re right” -
excerpt of actual conversation with elderly aunt some years
ago…now she’s our biggest supporter).
***
This is really what I’m hoping will happen. Just last night I had a dinner
invite with some relatives. They all have children some of them grown-up,
some of them still very young. All were commenting how interested my ds is
in his surroundings/people and how well we communicate with him even though
he’s only 18 mo. I was a little surprised since my (AP)friends’ babies who
are about the same age are developing at about the same rate. The difference
is with my relatives they have raised their children by the “children should
be seen and not heard” philosophy, and not respecting their children as
individuals.
>>>Then maybe don’t think about it so hard just yet. Your son doesn’t need a
mom stressed out about something that’s still years away. Enjoy him now!
Keep unschooling in the back of your brain as one of your options. Don’t
fear it, just research it. I’m pretty confident that as your little guy gets
older, you’ll continue to see the benefits of having him learn in a free,
nonschooled environment. And by then you’ll have read so much that you’ll
be fully prepared to have that conversation with those schooled voices in
your head.
You’re absolutely right about this. I do enjoy everyday that I’m with my
son. I’m hoping that in a couple of years I will have all the confidence
that you all have. It just that right now my mind is so filled with the
thought of unschooling that I’m constantly thinking about it and reading as
much as I can and talking as much as I can about it. I’m pretty obsessed
right now. I need some more time on this till I can let go and “keep it in
the back of my mind”.
Come to think about it, isn’t this the way a typical curious child would
want to find out about something? More reason to leave my son alone to
pursue his interests rather than send him to school and be bombarded with
things he’s not interested in learning at that moment! I know it was hard
for me to “turn off” my curiosity during school hours and “turn it back on”
after school.
***
I work overnight hours and my
DH has his own painting business. My DD is almost 10 so I’m able to work
overnight and have her be awake and responsible enough for herself while I
sleep. There are times where she’ll go to work with my DH if necessary.
She is also more on a later sleep schedule now, too, because of unschooling
and having no bedtime.
Here’s the thing… I haven’t mentioned unschooling to any people who would
criticize the method. I have “had it out” with my mom because at one point
she was grilling my DD every time she would visit about what she did that
day with school and “test” her math skills. I did do a bit of “school”
after that conversation but quickly went back to unschooling. I know better
than to mention the word or the philosophy… I feel bad because when people
do ask what we do or what we’re using I do sort-of lie to them. I’ll
mention we use the library a lot (which isn’t a lie) but I’ll mention the
math curriculum that we were using and if they ask how long she takes
everyday I’ll give them the time she was doing it in or what I think they
want to hear.
I guess I do everything to avoid the situation of other people’s involvement
or comments. I’m really just concerned that someone will contact the
authorities, even though I don’t have to keep records in IL. That’s just
not something I want to deal with, so I keep my mouth shut about what we do,
even around most other homeschoolers.
***
>>Actually, I find it stressful just thinking about unschooling… my son is
only 18 mo old.>>
Then maybe don’t think about it so hard just yet. Your son doesn’t need a mom
stressed out about something that’s still years away. Enjoy him now! Keep
unschooling in the back of your brain as one of your options. Don’t fear it,
just research it. I’m pretty confident that as your little guy gets older,
you’ll continue to see the benefits of having him learn in a free, nonschooled
environment. And by then you’ll have read so much that you’ll be fully prepared
to have that conversation with those schooled voices in your head. :o)
