Why not just do school?
We’re not true unschoolers yet, because I tend to panic every so often and then start telling them to read. Usually, not things that interest them, but things that would look good in my paperwork for the state.
My question is..what are the benefits of unschooling? I think I know that school is pointless..that anything I ever learned was learned in my free time.
But why not just do what society wants you too? Why not just do the schoolwork? Is it harmful as well or just futile?
Does unschooling produce a different kind of adult? One with more self-confidence? One that is more apt to figure things out when they need to?
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Why are you panicking? Because you’re afraid you’re not meeting the legal requirements, or because you’re afraid your kids aren’t learning, or something else?
Why in the world would you spend time doing things with your kids that don’t interest them? Aren’t there infinite ways you could spend your time together on things that DO interest them?
I do have relatives who have been traditionally homeschooled for several years. Maybe this is unusual, or maybe they’re just kidding or maybe they’re just saying it for shock effect … but whenever they talk about homeschooling to me in any way, they say they “don’t really like anything having to do with school.” Sometimes they even use the word “hate.” One of them has said repeatedly that he “hates to read.” Recently I was chatting with the other child about what she was up to and said, “Are you learning something interesting in homeschool?” Her answer was simply, “Never!”
I wouldn’t think any of that would be a good thing.
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I have 5 children ranging from 17 to 6. The biggest benefits – the ones that stand out the most – have not been academic. This is what most homeschoolers look at: academics. My children are doing fine, but this isn’t the big thing I notice. It’s them as individuals: how they relate to others, to themselves, to the world, to their lives. I’m at a complete loss for words right now (besides I have to dash out the door), but yes, I do believe whole heartedly that unschooling does produce a different kind of adult.
I’ve noticed that my children stand out among their friends and cousins that are/were in school. Not in a glaring, obnoxious, bad way, but in subtle ways. It seems to be more little nuances that I pick up on. Frankly they seem to be more at peace with themselves. Their goals, while some might not consider lofty, I believe are healthy. More than being concerned and worried about getting into the right college, making money, finding a good job, getting somewhere being successful – depending on how you define success, they are just content. I think if they were asked about their future goals, they wouldn’t center on academics, jobs and money, but on living joyfully and being at peace with where they’re at – at that moment.
Also, they have a confidence I haven’t seen in friends and family. They are often asked if they’re worried about getting into college, getting a job, … the list goes on. They truly aren’t worried. They are confident that if they put their minds to something they can make it work somehow. Maybe that’s one of the big things being unschooled has done. Created people who are confident in their own abilities and making things work on their own
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MY child is happier not being in school than he would be in school. He likes to sleep in in the morning, control his own time and set his own pace. That’s enough of a reason for me. I’m happy not working, and we manage to live (though not large) on one income.
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But sometimes I panic because I think they’ll be missing something important. That they might feel “stupid” when they don’t know or missed some important piece of information.
The reason I might want to do something pointless is because it’s what’s expected of us. It’s what the law requires (there are ways around the law I am seeing, but technically unschooling is not what they had in mind.
It’s what my parents expect. If we’ve gone a while without doing schoolwork..my parents comment, “I haven’t seen anyone do school lately.”
I’ve talked to them a bit about it, but they are still expecting us to do something that “looks like school”
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What society wants, changes all the time. Society used to want women to work at home raising kids and cooking meals and cleaning house. It seems better to do what YOU want. My oldest daughter, a week away from being 13, has never been to PS, never taken a test or done “school” work. She’s happy and content. She wouldn’t be able to pass the math portion of a 7th grade test, but unlike her schooled peers who may or may not be able to pass that same test, she knows what it means to be free and follow her passions. I don’t even know a lot of adults that know how to do that. I also know that if she really wanted to pass that math portion of the test, she would do what it takes to pass it. She’s toyed with the idea of going to school. What keeps her from making that leap isn’t knowing that she will be behind in math, but that her freedom to make choices for herself will be lessened.
I think unschooling produces a different kind of adult. However, there are no gaurantees in life. People do what they want to do. The way I see it, my children will at least be ahead of the game in that area, as they have a lot of practice doing just that. Most kids, when they leave school go through that “I’m finally free” phase and go crazy and do irresponsible things and make stupid choices for themselves. I really don’t see my children behaving that way, as they have known what it is to be free all along and accept the natural boundaries of their freedom and make responsible choices for themselves.
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For me it is a chance at letting them grow healthily, without the boxes, without the twisting and the molding, which I do see as harmful whether from school, or home… It hurts creativity, independent thinking, etc., my oldest spent 3 months in public school, the time it took to see how it was pretty much deflating him (and us). For us I’ve seen benefits… They are happy kids, quick to try new things, quick to pull us in new directions, quick to laugh… I see a lot of self-confidence in them. I think about how having to manage public school and all it comes with all these years would have really interferred with all the things they have done (and learned). Maybe they would have done some of the things that were really, really important to them, but maybe they would have been too tired after all that managing…
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My kids are 11 1/2 (boy) and 13 1/2 (girl), never gone to school, almost always unschooled. They’re different from other kids – calmer and quietly self-confident. They’ll not only figure out stuff for themselves, but have no problem offering up solutions to things that stump me!
Our relationship is kinda fluid, flowing both ways. There isn’t an obvious separation, at least from where I’m standing, between parent and child. We’re more like colleagues, partners in life. I couldn’t say exactly when this shift from parent/child to partner happened, probably as they got older, but it’s been a rewarding one. It’s a really easy relationship.
There’s another shift happening now, where I’ve noticed they’re both moving away from me and towards other people so it’ll be interesting to see how this partnership thing plays out when others are involved.
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But we know many ultra school-at-homers (dressed & ready by 8am, snack at 9:30, work, recess, lunch recess, etc)- & do field trips w/them sometimes….. These kids seem to lack enthusiasm & curiosity – or maybe it is buried deep ….. It was noticing the difference between these kids and the general attitdues of some more ecclectic, more egalitarian homeschooling families (like ours) that keeps me interested in unschooling and moving in that direction.
I noticed my kids really opening up, the more I provide support & the less I direct …..
That being said, my kids really like some of the curriculum I bought way back when and ask for it, and
when they do, I teach it.
So, far we all seem to be becoming more content and open and I am becoming less anxious and worried each week…….
